However, it was said, and there was no turning back. This broad was just lucky that I was in a good mood, and that it was the very beginning of my shift. Had I known the disastrous events that would occur later, I may not have been so fake-nice to her.
"...This is the birthday boy. You can bring him a drink and set it right here." She pointed her fat finger at the empty table next to them. I was unaware that two people are allowed to take over multiple tables when they sit down at a restaurant, but I was in no mood to argue with her. The 'Birthday Boy' was wearing a Baby Carlos- Hangover tee shirt, which could have been cool or funny except that it was tucked in, and paired with a collared button up underneath, and a piece of flair that read 'Party Time!'
"So we're going to do presents first, and I will be videotaping so if you could not bother us that'd be great. I just don't want you coming over, and interrupting our video by saying 'Hey are you OK over here?' or 'Hey, can I bring you anything?' We will let you know if we need something."
I should have lost it, but instead, I thought 'They don't want me to bother them... I am definitely fine with that.' and said to her, only slightly flippant, "Oh, that will not be a problem!" As instructed, I fetched 'Birthday Boy's' drink, set it down, and kept rollin'.
Since I knew I had some free time on my hands, I let everyone in on the situation so they could observe the freak show that was sure to follow. Only moments passed before Mom found me at the front desk and picked out a handful of balloons that she needed to "set the mood of the video" told me to blow them up, and tie them to her son's chair.
I feel it is important to point out a few things:
-'Birthday Boy' appears to be in his early 20's.
-'Birthday Boy' is not even slightly embarrassed by his mother's behavior.
The entire staff has found an observation spot close enough to see the action, but far enough away to talk shit and not be heard. We all watch in amazement as the documentation process begins. The mother is circling her son with the camera, who is not moving, just smiling and staring back at her. Neither person is talking or interacting with one another, but they both seem thrilled. I am not sure that either of them have any other friends, so really the content of this video is a non issue. No one else will ever watch it. My co-workers and I try to depict the life story of this duo, and decide that the Father (husband) has probably passed away and that this Mother/Son relationship has blossomed into something strangely beautiful and unhealthy. We argue whether or not it's appropriate for your mom to be your best friend at this age- and at what point she crosses the line of being your 'best friend' to your being 'only friend'.
It only gets better as the gifts get unwrapped. I did not catch them all, but I will share what I witnessed.
1. The entire set of Toy Story 3 Action figures
2. The Tinkerbell Movie
3. A framed print of Mickey and Minnie Mouse
4. A framed print of Alice and the Mad Hatter
5. A poster of Roger, from Who Framed Roger Rabbit
6. A Mickey Mouse watch
7. A pair of 3D glasses (which he is now wearing)
There were a lot more gifts I missed, at least 30, I'd say, but I couldn't just sit and watch, although I would have loved to. The whole present process took about an hour in total. The very last thing he opened was an iPod Touch. The whole staff was pretty impressed by this, as this grand finale of a gift was quite the cherry on top of the plethora of things he'd already received. After every gift he opened, he stood up, walked around the table, and gave his mom a hug. After the iPod though, she got a big ole' wet kiss on the lips. For the purpose of the story, I am glad I caught this, but it was pretty much a big hot incest-y mess that made me vomit in my mouth a little bit.
I realized they were ready for me, so I made sure the video camera was put away, and approached the table. I acted ignorant, and asked how it went, and if he got any good presents. 'Birthday Boy' didn't get a chance to respond before his mother went over the list with me, ending with the iPod touch which she was obviously very proud of. I noticed he had two iPods in his hands, and inquired about it. 'Birthday Boy's' mom told me that "the new one has a camera, and he needed it because it's just not practical to carry a camera, and an iPod, when you can have both in one!"
You know what's not practical lady?! Oh, let me think... Um, you celebrating your grown son's birthday with him, alone, and acting as if it's a reality TV show! You buying him thousands of dollars worth of Walt Disney merchandise made for kids 1/4 his age! You allowing him to kiss you on the mouth! You going to eat at a restaurant, ordering people around, taking up three tables, and not even ordering for two hours!
Ugh. So, they finally order food, which actually turns out to be pretty normal, as far as the whole dining process goes. And, then- the time comes when I gather all my co-workers to sing to this man-child for his birthday. The video camera comes back out, and this time, all of us are allowed to make an appearance, as we sing. Awesome.
I try to not talk to them any more than I have to, but when it comes time for them to pay we have another lovely interaction. She takes the flyer encouraging her to go online and leave feedback on her visit (which I cannot wait to read) and asks for another one... so she can put it in her son's scrapbook... Fine. Weird, but fine.
She then explains to me, how delightful I was, and how great of a waitress I am. She would know, she tells me, because they eat at fine restaurants all over the world. They have been to Disney Land 61 times, just got back from Egypt, and recently visited the Red Sea.
"Normally, I don't tip," she tells me- "not even $2, like I'm going to leave you. But you really earned it, Elyse! You know what you would be really good at? Working in Disney Land, as Minnie Mouse. You are just so sweet. That's a compliment you know!"
Man, was I honored.
