10%

I got into an conversation at work about the differences between men and women, and how they act and interact in public settings, more specifically the restaurant. (...duh)

We were watching these three men who were in the bar. They were all sitting separately, and didn't know each other, but they were all watching the same football game. It was interesting to us that men can go eat somewhere alone in the first place, as it would be rare for me/us (both women) to go anywhere alone. Also, they all started talking amongst themselves from their separate corners about the game, which led to work, and their wives etc...

We both just found it strange, that neither of us would go somewhere alone, and then talk to strangers. We shared stories of how we go so far as to avoid these types of situations- like in crowded bars, or malls, or public transportation.

I felt a little guilty for a minute, like I was finally confessing, and realizing a negative personality trait. If no one ever talked to strangers, no one would ever meet anyone new, or make friends, or start new relationships. As we kept talking though, an epiphany came to us. We don't avoid talking to strangers because we're bitchy, or rude, or, shy, or self-centered- we avoid talking to strangers because we work in restaurants and we do it all day- for a living!

It makes a lot of sense now- looking back on ex-boyfriends, or friends I've lost touch with. This is the part that's really a flaw, and hard to admit. I find myself losing touch, or ignoring issues because doing the work to maintain a friendship doesn't seem worth giving up my routine or my alone time. Obviously this is short lived because I can only live without outside stimulation for so long, and my friends really are worth the "work"... but maybe admitting it IS the first step!

What came first? My self-proclaimed standoffish-ness, or working in a restaurant forcing me to get over in in the hopes of a 10% tip? Maybe it matters not which led to the other- but the fact that I repeatedly put myself out there to these perfect strangers, offering to fetch whatever they may need, with no promise of anything in return. Not even (sometimes) their kindness.

On a somewhat separate note- I heard once from a customer, that 'TIPS' originated as an anagram standing for "To Insure Prompt Service" and was given at the start of a meal, not the end. Depending on the size of the tip, you were really promising yourself the quality of service you yourself paid for. It may have been B.S., but I think we should reinstate that. Maybe I would waste less time and effort if I knew for sure I was dealing with someone poor, someone rude, or even worse- someone cheap.

Relationships don't start as one-sided selfish agreements. They start as mutual contracts of kindness. I suppose being a waitress skews your perception of people on the whole... but it's hard to stay positive when you're fate (and wallet) is in the hands of rude strangers.

If there is something positive to come out of this- I have sure learned to not waste an ounce of effort on people who don't give more than... oh, say 10%... to a relationship. Thank you, friends and family, for making the cut.